She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
