i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize