she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
