Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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