The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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