I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
