you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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