I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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