I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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