Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
