Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
