What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
