i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
