i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize