So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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