If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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