I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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