You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
