just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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