It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
