he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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