Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize