sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
