dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
