On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
