you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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