I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
