There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
