Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
