OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Quick, to the slutcave!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Boobs are out for the taking
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
