just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
