the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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