That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
