If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
