i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
