i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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