hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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