I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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