New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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