Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
