guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize