omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
