I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
