Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm both gender and math confused
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
