Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
