I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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