All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
