There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
