i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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