Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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