you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
