apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
