Well apparently he's into motor boating.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
