i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
