Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
