Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
