I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
