So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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