Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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