I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
