That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
