Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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