I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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