He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
