You really coming over, don't trick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
