i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
