Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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