..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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