They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
