why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
