I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
