Pants 0. Shit 1.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
