girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
