marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
