Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
