When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
