Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
