Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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