every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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