Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
