So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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