he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
