Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
