He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
