Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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