I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
