If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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